Tim's Revenge

Wondergirl is constantly asking questions that I have no answer for like, "If God drove a car, what kind would it be? Would it be a rental car?" or, "You don't work when you get dead, so what do you do all day?" or, "We can't see God, so does that make him an imaginary friend?" More often than not I take the easy way out and tell her that would be an excellent question to ask her father. I justify it by telling myself that Tim is the family expert in all things philosophical since he has a degree in ministry, even though he has never really used it.

Last week, Tim got revenge. Wondergirl and I were in the car when she said, "Mom, how EXACTLY do babies get out of your body? I asked Dad and he told me to ask you." Touche, Tim, touche. I suppose I am the family expert on childbirth.

So I explained the basic mechanics of childbirth. When I was done I glanced in the rear-view mirror to see WG looking at me, horrified. She asked me if I was joking. I assured her I was as serious as could be and then, thinking maybe it would make her feel better, I told her about C-sections. Bad move. WG started shrieking that she didn't want to hear anymore. Then she started sobbing that she was NEVER EVER EVER going to have babies but she was really sad because she wanted to have a husband someday and when you have a husband, you HAVE to have babies. (from what I could gather, this was information she picked up on the playground. Oy.) I explained to her that simply was not true and then gave her some examples of couples we know who don't have children.

Then she said, "But how do you not have a baby when you have a husband?"

I told her I would tell her when she's 10.

Kindergarten Update

I have been lax in my Wondergirl updates lately. School has started, the symphony season has started, and I've just been lazy. I apologise.

School is going well. WG adores her teacher. After a little bit of a rough start Tim and I like this teacher, too. The school as a whole we're luke-warm about. They just have some strange rules. If kids get there before the first bell in the morning they have to sit in lines in the gym. They aren't allowed to talk and they have to listen to classical music. Which isn't bad in itself, but they always have the slowest, saddest classical music playing. Maybe they are trying to depress them into docile behavior or bore them into submission. I like classical music (obviously) and even I wouldn't choose to listen to the stuff they play every morning.

They also have the 5th grade safety patrol directing traffic in the parking lot for Kindergarten pick-up. There is a reason why kids have to be 16 to get a drivers license. It's called judgement. It is my opinion that 5th graders do not have sufficient judgement to direct traffic in the parking lot, so I park across the street and walk to pick WG up. I did the car line once. It was enough.

But Wondergirl is getting along well. She has friends. She seems to like the work except for math. She doesn't like math because right now they are working on sorting things and they have to cross off pictures that don't match. She always likes the picture that is different the best and gets mad that she has to cross it out. Today she had to turn in homework that consisted of a big letter A filled with pictures of A words. The kids were supposed to cut pictures out of magazines. We only had seed catalogs. WG cut out all the pictures of flowers whose formal names started with A. Somehow I don't think this is what the teacher had in mind... The kids have to present their letters today, so the whole class will get a horticulture lesson.

Moby Chip

I feel like Captain Ahab right now.

I'm not chasing whales, I'm in search of the perfect GF chocolate chip cookie recipe. I have never loved Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies. They are too crisp for my taste. In our Days of Wheat I found cookie perfection in a recipe out of The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook. Thick and chewy, those cookies were simply the Best Chocolate Chip Cookie Ever. It was the first recipe I tried to convert when I was familiar enough with gluten-free flours and gums to feel comfortable experimenting. It is also the recipe that I have had the least luck at converting. I have made many batches experimenting with different flour blends. As of yet I have had little success. They all taste great. After all, how can you go wrong with all that butter and sugar? My sticking point is the heft and chew of the cookie. The wheat version spread very little. They baked up stout with a slight crisp on the outside that gave way to soft chewiness toward the middle. My gluten free versions? They spread like mad and bake up thin and crispy.

I estimate that in the year or so that I have been trying to come up with the perfect GF chocolate chip cookie recipe I have made over 1000 inedible cookies.


I had a bit of a psychic connection going with this batch because I almost put them on a regular baking sheet but opted for a jelly roll pan just in case they spread so much they overflowed the pan. The only thing worse than disappointing mutant cookies are disappointing mutant cookies that set off the smoke detector.

This time I was foiled but I WILL develop the recipe for the perfect GF chocolate chip cookie, oh yes, I WILL.

I Blinked

For Better or Worse

The period of May to October (wedding season) is to musicians what salmon spawning time is to bears. We don't eat the bridal party but do come out a bit more flush and always with a lot of good stories. Weddings never quite go right, and even when they do there is usually still a good yarn to tell.

like the time when the minister showed up drunk, called the couple by the wrong names and skipped the vows.

or the time when the best man stood up to give my all-time favorite toast: "Well, we never thought this day would come and we're taking bets on how long it will last. If anyone wants to join the pool, be sure to see me."

or the wedding party that broke into a fist fight on the way up the aisle after the ceremony. Shoes were flying, bouquets were flying, fists were flying...

or the time when the bride and groom knocked over the unity candle while attempting to light it and set the tablecloth on fire.

Then there are all the program typos:

Canon by Pachel Bell
Canon by Taco Bell
Pachel's Bell Canon
Pachelbel by Canon
Storm Pipe from Water Music (should be hornpipe)
All Grow From Spring (allegro...)
Panis Angelicus, which was correct until they hit spell check and forgot to proof read their program....

Despite it all, everyone always winds up married in the end which is the whole point, right? The marriage, not the wedding?